What can I do to truly take care of my body today?
Follow the program I spent so much time crafting with my schedule. Staying relaxed in the face of physical and/or mental discomfort. Not letting interruptions be an excuse to derail my progress….not letting anything be an excuse to derail my progress, really. Staying present and actively participating in each moment.
What can I do to truly take care of my spirit today?
Be gentle with myself, recognize the good things I have done, no matter how small. Be mindful of negative self talk and try to find positive counterstatements for any self criticism instead of spiraling into a depression. Also, taking as much care of my body as possible will help to care for my spirit, as my physical comfort is extremely linked to my mental/spiritual comfort.
What toxic food/behavior/idea can I do without today?
I had an extremely vivid dream about D, so I suppose eschewing the toxic memory of D is not going to work today. I think the idea that I am a quitter, a loser with no self control and broken beyond all repair I can do without today. Today is the day I need to be focused on the fact that I am helping to reset my body for optimum health, and from there I can make better decisions and move into a brighter future. Today the toxic idea that I am a failure and a loser is something I can not only do without, but NEED to get rid of to support and love myself.
How do I feel today, physically?
I feel pretty good, actually….a little shaky, a little weak. My gut feels enormous and wobbly….I’m extremely conscious of the physical space I inhabit. Also, my lower back and right quad are slightly stiff radiating into the knee.
How do I feel today, emotionally?
I’m very fearful today…fearful that having my niece over will derail the schedule I’m trying to stick to. I’m fearful I will take on Mom’s negativity and stress as my own, ESPECIALLY with my niece here. I am fearful I will not be able to keep to the program for even one day. I am extremely scared of failing. I’m afraid of the fact that my hair is falling out and I’m going gray at 30. I’m already physically tired just typing all of this out.There are far too many fears to give voice to in the time I’ve allotted for journals.
What else do I notice about my physical and spiritual state that is noteworthy?
I feel slightly dizzy. The lower lid of my right eye won’t stop twitching. My feet are buzzing. I’m seeing spots, wondering if the morning olive oil is activating my dumping syndrome. I feel really tired but I woke up right at 6 and could not convince my body to go back to sleep, so I figured I’d just get to it.
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